I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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