i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
