the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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