Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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