Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
