my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
