My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
