ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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