Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
