That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
