Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
