how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
