I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
