tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
