you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
