Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
