I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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