Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
