Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
