glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
