im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
