He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
