are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
