If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
