go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you didnt know i had herpes?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
