Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
