Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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