Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
