Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
