One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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