Kiss
Puke
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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