We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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