her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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