I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
