i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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