Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
