I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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