I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
