Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
