how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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