Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
