Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
