I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
