Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
