Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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