i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
