Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
