i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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