im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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