I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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