He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
