well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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