do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
