someone get that fucking seahorse.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
