Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
