I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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