I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
