Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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