i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
