Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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