I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize