he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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