i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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