I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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