Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
