We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
