I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
