I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
