I can text with my tongue
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize