dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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