Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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