Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
