Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
