If that was your dad, he is hot
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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