i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
